she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize