I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need water and some morals
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
