wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think i have two assholes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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