I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
