Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
