maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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