You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize