i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
