Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I supernannyed him into submission
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
