yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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