that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
