Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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