He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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