Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
