I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
