I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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