She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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