We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
