Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
