I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
