I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
