the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
