I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
