If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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