just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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