I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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