I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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