Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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