Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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