ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
