Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
