You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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