We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think a kid would responsible me up
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
