Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
