Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
