If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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