I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
