My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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