woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize