Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
