..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
