They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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