I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
