Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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