I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize