Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
