hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
