WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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