so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
