My friends, they love my intelligence
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
