plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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