She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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