i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
