Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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