i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He did a backflip because drugs
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