I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
