If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
