Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize