he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
