I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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