I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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