i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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