First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
