It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
