i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
