you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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