I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
