im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
