I hate your face
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
