Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
