My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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