Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How external is "for external use only"?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize