cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
