Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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