Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
