no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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